That’s how I started my little obituary for my precious girl Harley Quinn. I whispered it to her many times in the months before, recounting our lives together, and whispered it yet again as she passed. She had always been the most loving and happy dog from eight weeks to her last day at twelve.
Once Upon a Time there was a beautiful girl born to Charlotte and Hemi….
And the pain of those words still rings as it does for all of us who give our hearts and souls to our dogs. We know going in that they will leave us. We know they will not outlive us and will leave us broken. And yet we open ourselves again and again to love without fear and doubts to those trusting eyes and soft fur.
I’ve lost other dogs and cats over the years but it has been six years since my last dog, Cody, left. That death pushed me to the brink. I was hollow for days, I’d stare outside and think of nothing wondering how I go on. It took weeks before I didn’t cry and even now I cry missing him.
Harley was like that for me this time too, the loss and pain so deep. My emotions, my thoughts went to dark places out of sheer grief. This time the acceptance came sooner, but getting through those days was a struggle. It takes one person to ask me how I am or to tell someone that Harley is gone for tears to overcome me. I fight it, but they come, those damn tears. That missing her.
And no, we won’t get another dog for quite a while. Replacing is out of the question unless there is a guarantee that it is divine re-incarnation. There will be no more three Musketeers as we had before. We’ll have our two pups knowing one is eleven and may soon leave us and start the pain all over again. Right now my ‘little one’ – Miss Murphy – is coming out of her grief as Harley was her best friend. Murf has become my co-dependent emotional support. I need her to ease my pain as she needs me. And someday in the next years we’ll do it again – the pain, grief and seeking of comfort when our chocolate lab says goodbye.
And yes, we’ll get another dog, maybe a rescue, maybe a puppy, maybe and older dog. We’ll fall in love. We’ll have memories of love and laughter, of true devotion and purity. We’ll go through this all again because to miss out on a dog’s deepest love is something I cannot live without.
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